he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
