i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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