After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
