Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
