I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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