I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
im holly from the hills drunk
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
