You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize