the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Still dying that you shit outside
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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