i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
