we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
