well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
