I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
