who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
