He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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