Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
