problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
