Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
