she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
