Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just found a bag of teeth...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
