she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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