Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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