Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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