My nipple is on Facebook.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
