How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
birth control should be required to get into college
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Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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