i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
