Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
