doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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