I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
