I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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