Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
