end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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