I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
