Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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