you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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