Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
