why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Let's get the cat blown out
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
