I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
