you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
