I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
