you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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