I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
