its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
