you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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