My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
