I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing