I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children