OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
