My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
