I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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