today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
