I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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