Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
