I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
