I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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