thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Randomize
