I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
