So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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