Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
we're so committed to being not committed
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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