I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
