good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We are two peas in an std pod
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
