so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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