He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
