Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
