i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
