Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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