She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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