just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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