Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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