I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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