I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
