I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
