you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
