Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
