News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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