my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
