So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
