You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
