dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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