i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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