I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
