Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
