Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hippo gnu deer
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
