Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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