So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
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Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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