I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
