tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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