Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
